I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
