people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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