Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
