All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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