Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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