You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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