I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
