i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
