woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
