weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I miss vodka workout Fridays
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
