eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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