What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
