Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
