I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
