I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize