he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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