you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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