I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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