that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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