Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
