life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
