I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
