So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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