Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize