just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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