She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
