There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
