I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
