you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
