apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So vagazzling was a success
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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