I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize