I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
