ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think people are normalizing furries
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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