My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
