My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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