Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
