I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
