Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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