Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
