I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
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He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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