So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
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oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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