I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
