Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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