Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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