conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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