It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
