can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
