Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
