saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize