HIV tests are more positive than that guy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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