yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
