i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
