thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
