his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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