Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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