..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
