he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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