4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
did you get engaged???
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
