He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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