the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
