My room smells like vodka and shame
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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