Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You are the jesus of drinking
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
